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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

i was surfing the net and came across these jokes :

A nude guy was sunbathing at the beach.
A little girl comes up to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.

T he little girl says, "What's under there?"
So the man answers, "A bird."
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.
When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?"
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl." So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to he beach to find any witnesses.
When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
She answers, "I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spat at me, so I broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!!"

~

a little boy was sitting in his room one night and he could hear this rely loud banging coming from his parents bedroom.
The next day he walked into their bedroom and saw his mum bouncing up and down on top of his dad.
he then asked ' mummy why are you bouncing on top of daddy and making all that thumpin sound.'
his mum repleid ' its because your dad is so fat that by bouncing on top of him, it makes him thin.
the boy then repleied and said ' well that doesn't work, cause once you leave, the woman comes round from next door and blows him right back up again!'

~

Girl, u must be tired, cuz you've been running through my mind all day long

~

If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I would put u and i together

~

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-Napoleon Bonaparte

~

Once an old man and his grandson went fishing.
The old man took out a box of cigs the grandson asked him if he could have some.
The old man asked him: "Can u shove your penis up your ass?"
The boy said no. The old man told him: "Your too small you can't have cigs."
Then after sometime the grandson took out a pack of cookies.
The old man asked if he could have some.
The boy replied: "Can u shove your penis up your ass?"
The old said "I can im big enough"
So the boy said "Go fuck yourself these are mine"

~

roses are red violets violets are blue why is my ass better looking then you!......
roses are red violets are blue if i had your face i'd been in the zoo

~

A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

~


Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said,
"Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour,"
But, April didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted,"IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"


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